What Time Do You Call This?

We went to an excellent party this weekend. I tell you this for two reasons: firstly because I want to sound popular, and secondly because I want you to think I'm the kind of person who just loves a party, someone who just goes from event to function to celebration with a different frock for every occasion, who adapts chameleon-like to her glamourous surroundings, who wafts serenely into any gathering with wit and charm. That's what I want you to think. The reality is somewhat more juvenile.

Having spent most of the past year up to my elbows in nappies and desperately pounding the cross-trainer in an effort to regain some semblance of a figure, I realised recently that I hadn't really made much of an effort to see my old child-free, down-the-pub mates. So I was delighted when my lovely friend Kate decided to celebrate her birthday and her new house with a house party. I used to love house parties! Unfortunately, swigging wine from the bottle, flicking cigarette ash in the sink and snogging the DJ is not becoming of a 31-year-old mother-of-one, so I had to re-think my strategy.

Possibly I became confused when my dad offered myself and my husband a lift to the party (he and my mum were babysitting). I could tell he was trying hard not to say "Back by midnight, young lady, and don't drink too much!". But in fairness I was wearing too much make-up, a micro-mini, platform boots and a scowl (not really).

Time passed in a blur and I met some really interesting people (mostly ecologists and marine biologists, who I usually refer to as "fish botherers" but only when they can't hear me. Funny bunch, scientists). And then I was suddenly transported back to the sixth form once again when I realised that I'd drunk 3 large glasses of wine in quick succession and was going to have to face my parents swinging from the living room door-frame with a rosy glow and slightly slurred speech.

In order to avoid the "what time do you call this" lecture, we headed home at a reasonable-ish time. Only when we got there we discovered my parents, two of their mates and a selection of empty bottles and crisp packets scattered liberally around the living room.

Regrettably I've had to ground them. They were treating the place like a hotel. 

« Back